Annette ChesneyRecently I was doing some brainstorming on an exercise for a coaching program I’m developing. It involved taking inventory of defining events and the permanent imprint they left in our lives. This includes some wonderful experiences and some gut-wrenching, awful experiences.
When it comes to the wonderful experiences it’s easy to embrace their positive impact in terms of who we are and milestones along our path. We’re eternally grateful for these defining influences.
In many ways, the negative and even traumatic experiences are even more defining, yet rarely can we muster a sense of gratitude for having walked through those seasons.
Pretty high up on the list of trauma inducing, permanently life altering events is narcissistic abuse. I’ve been through it. To say it permanently altered every aspect of my life would be an understatement.
I’ve walked with many women through the aftermath of narcissistic abuse as they work to sort through the fallout and build a new life.
But narcissistic abuse isn’t the only thing that can slap you upside the head with unforseen trauma and life change.
Depending on how you maneuver through the aftermath of what happened you’ll become stronger, wiser, purposeful, confident…or you’ll become your own worst enemy because you feel diminished from who you were before.
If we allow ourselves to feel diminished and demeaned as a result of what we experienced the consequences are grave and splash on every dimension of your life.
The Sucker-Punches That Change Everything Forever
For the most part we can weather the lesser events of life.
But the big negative stuff changes us forever and leaves us reeling, feeling disoriented in our own life.
- Divorce
- Car accident
- Life threatening illness or medical event
- Death of a loved one
- Unexpected lifestyle upheaval
- Affairs
- Narcissistic Abuse
- Bankruptcy
- Betrayal
Do you see yours on the list or is it something else? Maybe a combination of several that left you in shattered pieces?
I’ve learned there’s 3 crucial puzzle pieces we need in place
to help us heal and reset our path so we emerge as the overcomer
and victor, rather than the diminished victim.
Crucial Factor #1 – RELATIONSHIPS
They say the time to build your safety net is before the storm hits. So true.
We need more than just pleasant acquaintances. We need heart-level, connected relationships.
…The kind you can be honest with when you fail and they don’t think less of you.
…The kind that will sit with you judgement-free while you alternate between ranting in anger and weeping in a snotty nose cry.
…The kind that will speak uncomfortable but necessary truths to you in a gracious manner without coming across as somehow superior.
You don’t need a lot of these kinds of relationships. Just a precious few.
Are you being intentional about investing in these types of relationships?
You may regret it if you’re not and you’ll be eternally grateful if you are.
We all need people we can do life with.
We also need seasoned specialists who know what they’re talking about and can help you navigate wisely toward a desired outcome.
Who’s on your team these days?
Are you actively nurturing healthy personal relationships? If not, why not?
When it comes to rebuilding after traumatizing experiences, please stop trying to convince yourself you’re fine as you trip over another piece of emotional shrapnel.
Life is not meant to be merely endured. Anger, depression, shrinking self confidence, and bouts of beating yourself up will leave you in neutral – or worse.
Need help figuring out what to do with that shrapnel? Be brave and reach out to me. If I’m not best suited to help with your specific situation I’ll do my best to point you in the direction you need.
It’s time to heal and reset your path to a beautiful life of your dreams.
