Annette ChesneyThe holiday season is in full swing! My daughter just finished 3 performances of The Nutcracker and is now preparing to perform at 4 church services on the 23rd and 24th. The house is decorated, cookie baking day is on the calendar, menu planning and extended family stocking stuffer purchases are in process.
I really love Christmas. Always have. But I recall a number of years when Christmas was incredibly difficult because of the struggles of dealing with a vindictive narcissist bent on creating as much pain and chaos as possible over the holidays.
It was during those seasons that my faith learned to move to another level. I was determined not to let the losses, trauma, and the aloneness I felt swirling around me in a tangled mess rob me of what I love about this season.
So many women I’ve spoken with are struggling with some version of these painful issues leading into this season.
Is this you too?
- Maybe there’s a narcissist attempting to leverage the season to inflict more hurt.
- Maybe you’re missing someone important and your heart is heavy.
- Maybe you’re wrestling with depression and being surrounded by others who seem happy leaves you wondering what’s wrong with you.
- Maybe the reality of financial struggles feels like a cold, wet blanket right now.
Here’s a fundamental principle I can personally validate as true – you have the power to choose what kind of Christmas season you’re going to experience, regardless of anyone else.
You don’t have to settle for merely surviving this time of year.
I learned to find joy in the season in spite of the realities I was dealing with at the time and so can you…if you want to.
In my case, as hard as those years were, I also experienced unique, sendipity type moments that were incredibly anointed and precious to me.
I had to learn to walk in my relationship with the Lord at a new level and diligently develop practical strategies to navigate what was happening.
Yes, there were moments of pain and tears, usually when I stopped being busy or was reminded of how things “should be”, yet weren’t, by a mile. But I learned the key is not to hide from those moments.
Instead I took God’s hand and together we faced them down until His presence, peace, and love overwhelmed the hurt and enveloped me like a hug.
Although circumstances felt overwhelming, there were respites from it all.
I required me to shift my skewed all-or-nothing assumptions. There’s no such thing as all joy, all peace, all perfect in any season of life, and certainly not at Christmas.
Interestingly, the more I was aware of His presence, mindful to expect silver linings, and proactive to create and experience beauty in the season, the more I got just that. We get what we expect because what we expect is what we focus on.
What we focus on determines our perspective and actions, including the words we are speaking over ourselves and the situation (James 3:10).
Expect pain? Focusing on pain? Those negative feelings will rule you this season.
Expect gifts from God? Focusing on finding and creating what’s beautiful? You’ll find profound meaning, pockets of light-heartedness, and refreshing delight.
Psalm 34:18 promises, The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
You’re not alone this Christmas. He’s closer than you realize.
